In Praise of Acquaintances

The other day after a Sunday church service, one of the members of the congregation came up to me and said that he had signed up for the course on Gratitude and Beliefs that my colleague and I are teaching this fall in the Cannon Valley Elder Collegium.  I know this person and like him.  When we meet at church we usually make eye contact, nod and smile, and perhaps say “Hello” or “How’s it going?”   If there is something significant going on, like a snowstorm, or a big game, or a forthcoming program at church on mental illness, we might comment even more.  If we bumped into each other downtown or in a store, we would typically follow the same pattern of greeting.  Should we happen to sit next to each other during an informal church gathering, our understandings of each other’s interests and experiences would surely increase a bit.

I feel good during those brief meetings in the hall, whatever form they take.  I’d be hard pressed to say that our greetings make my entire day, but they make me feel cheerful at the moment and they remind me that I’m not invisible, and that I am recognized by a person who I know and appreciate – that I matter to someone. 

If asked, I’d say that this person was an acquaintance.  He is certainly not a stranger, nor is he one of my more intimate close friends. 

Such face-to-face encounters with “acquaintances” in my church give me feelings of “belonging” – a connection that affirms to me that who I am – a person welcomed by others.   It makes me feel at home; connected to my community.  When I sit in church with acquaintances on all sides, and we join together in prayer, liturgy, song and communion, it makes me feel comfortable and content –- I suppose it is a form of gratitude for my faith and those with whom I journey.

To praise interactions with acquaintances in church is not to degrade the importance of close personal friendships that also may be reinforced in church hallways.  But a growing appreciation for the role of acquaintances in our health has fostered a new exploration of the contexts in daily life that support our well-being.  In this case, the advantages of attending church are front and center in their fit.  

A generation ago, psychology made an important shift from research that explored recovery from emotional difficulties to also exploring benefits from enhancing the positive events in daily life.  The research from this positive psychology has increased our awareness of the roots of resilience – an especially important perspective for older adults!   But until recently, the source of positive emotions that enhanced well-being and resilience was seen as lying primarily with close relationships with family and good friends.  But recently, psychology has also begun to explore the importance of increasing the number of one’s acquaintances and the frequency of interactions with them, as influential means of enhancing our well-being and resilience.

In a nutshell, here are some emerging components from acquaintance research:

Both the number of acquaintances we know and the frequency of our pleasant interaction (even minimally) with them will affect our immediate happiness and sense of well-being and “belongingness” (in an organization, like a church).  These are all powerful cognitive and emotional signals to us that life is good;  and such feelings clearly affect our physical and emotional health and our sense of resilience.

What fertile understandings these are for knowing how our churches serve as important sources of spiritual, physical and emotional health in the lives of our parishioners.

Bruce