Quilting As Real Life: Try It

Part 5 of Six Parts

The Power of Inclusion; the importance of Meaning

We all want to be useful, but we like to be useful in a way that is meaningful to us.  In the case below, it is the oral “thank you” that helps us realize what is important to others – and thus to us.  There is a lesson here that transcends this particular example and applies to many programs in a church.

THE ONGOING DYNAMICS:  The human dynamics can be interesting, as the two women who usually do the delivery want to drop the People In Need group, their reason being that group gets a lot of government aid, but a lot of the unspoken reason is that we don't have human contact when we deliver there, it's just "drop the quilts at the door up the ramp area" whereas Street Lights and Homer House almost fall on us in gratitude. We do get thank you post cards from People in Need, but the lesson is to orally thank people often. 

When a particular set of people begin a project, they tend to look for folks to include who are sort of like them.  This is the way most of us get through life.  “If it works for me, it will work for people like me.”  That is a reasonable perception, and somewhat accurate.  The problem comes when we thereby exclude from our perception of who could be included in this ministry or activity, those who are not like us – those who have more disabilities that we do, those who are older, those who are not as wealthy, those who don’t wear quite the right clothes, those who are not as articulate, or those who don’t appear to be as eager.

ACCEPTING ALL COMERS:  Our quilting group met this last Thursday, and Thistle asked me to see if I could get Heather to tie from the middle of the row out to get a much better looking quilt as hers were getting bunched up on all the edges.  Heather is 87, is on oxygen and uses a walker and manages to tie 5 quilts in a day, an achievement for anyone.  I suggested  just talk with her and ask her to try that.  No, the answer was, Heather is bossy.  I said that I liked Heather, she was such a good worker and is getting her friends to donate different fabrics, sheets and crochet thread to tie quilts.  How can I like her, the answer came back.  “It's easy,” I replied,  I've had lots of practice because when I worked at commission sales, particularly real estate sales, if someone didn't like me, that person could vote with his/her wallet and that was way too much money for me to lose because I might decide not to like someone before I even knew the person.  I learned quickly that I'd better like everyone I came in contact with or at least act like it till I learn to like them.  If we can't act like commission sales people, maybe we can just remember a couple of axioms: If you were accused of being a Christian, would there be enough evidence to convict you?  The other axiom, I think, was attributed to Mark Twain: Going to church on Sundays no more makes you a Christian than sleeping in a garage makes you a Chevrolet.  

So many parishioners wrote to me said variations on the theme below, of being sure that leaders “Ask the people”, that I wonder if this is something that everybody already knows.  Yet I also hear stories of complaint that, “The clergy makes all the decisions about what will happen at our church.”, or that, “A small group of people are in charge and they don’t ask others.”, that I thought I would include Sharon’s reflections.

ASK THE PEOPLE:  I learned so much in real estate sales and another great idea was to stay in a questioning mode rather than rushing to judgment, and a hard idea to remember.  For instance, when someone says the church doesn't make senior citizens feel wanted, after a statement similar to "That is so sad" or something that doesn't antagonize the speaker, then ask for a specific example or what that person thinks might be done to change this situation, or "Do you think anything could be done to change this situation?" or better yet, maybe "what do you think could be done," but some people will respond better to one wording than the other.  I'll bet this question would usually be followed by a disgusted grunt and then something like, "Well, of course, there are a lot of things that could be done."   In other words, the stupid church can't figure it out, but anyone can tell there are several things that could be done to change this.  There are many times when people know the answer to the problem.  You just have to pull it out of them.  This paragraph may be one that works in email to people who respond in a negative fashion, though it is much easier in person in most cases, a few people are as garrulous in email as I am. 

When we think of new ministries, or new programs or activities.  We usually think of starting from scratch with new people and new roles.  Yet, some wonderfully new projects can spring just as well from existing groups that are choosing to expand in new ways.  I suppose that my concern would be the extent to which existing groups call on new people as they “expand”.   Read Sharon’s commitment to expand toward opening new doors,

OPEN FUTURES:  I do wonder what this Quilting group will be doing five years down the road, as I keep going back to the H&R Block story of starting as a bookkeeping service and only later adding a tax preparation service.  I'd love a brainstorming session to dream about this, but the group is afraid to think that we could do more, so I try to keep those ideas to myself...mainly. We have expanded into scarves, mittens, toiletries, and tote bags for the homeless.

POND RIPPLERS

Actually, what I like to encourage people to do is to become, “Pond Ripplers”.  These are people who are like ripples on a pond that just keep growing outwards from a pivotal point.   I can almost trace each of our quilting members into our church and community by the people they've brought into our ministry with donations of time, money, fabric, sheets, yarn, toiletries and scarves.  Like Carolyn mentioned earlier in this monograph, they probably learn to ask "How are you?" and then listen.  The reason for anything other than quilts being delivered to the homeless shelters was because one of our quilters asked someone behind the desk at a shelter, "What else do you need?" and then listened.

Sharon’s concept of Pond Ripplers is powerful.  It is the notion that we older adults are not just doing busy work, nor are we the pawns of the important work of others;  we are capable people with 70, 80, or 90 years of experience, and we can, with the help of our friends, tackle life’s problems as well as anyone.  What we need to do is to join with others and “Knock on Doors”.  As doors open, even if just a crack, we need to then ask, for instance, “What do you need?”, and then listen.

Bruce