tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9462639269882471772024-03-12T19:47:17.527-05:00Aging And The ChurchEncouraging Churches to develop Older Adult Ministries. <br> With a focus on, "THE ART OF MATTERING -- AS WE AGE" <br>
<a href="http://www.stolaf.edu/depts/psych/BruceR/index1.html"> Bruce B. Roberts</a>, PhD,
Professor of Psychology Emeritus,
<a href="http://www.stolaf.edu"> St. Olaf College</a> Bruce B. Robertshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11223873570329813411noreply@blogger.comBlogger92125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-946263926988247177.post-3288574399146090752015-01-09T14:05:00.000-06:002015-01-09T14:05:17.436-06:00
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<br />
<h1 align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 20.0pt;">Learning
at the Margins<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></h1>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve finally noticed something curious about the way
churches operate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As part of our
Biblical instructions to treat our neighbors as ourselves, we work out the
details for enabling the youth of our churches to travel to disheveled places
that need help and support.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once
there our youth work together to build houses, make repairs, clean up messes,
or any number of other service-oriented projects.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Gained on the part of our youth are a sense of the
importance of doing good for others and a raised feelings of strength and
competence in the world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All is
well.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But the <i>Golden Rule</i><span style="font-style: normal;">
of serving our neighbors as ourselves has a <u>necessary</u> flip side.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is seemingly a one-way operation,
from giver to receiver.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Somebody
with needs must allow somebody else to give them help and support.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It creates a dependent-independent
relationships unless additional steps are taken to allow for reciprocal
relationships to develop.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As a
matter of fact, most church benevolence programs are built around these types of
we-helper </span><span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">à</span></span> them-helpee relationships.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those programs do good, that’s for sure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Building potable water systems and
protective housing are sure steps of doing good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But there is more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What about the gifts we can offer others of being open to
what they have to offer us;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>wisdom
perhaps, or help fixing something, or stories of their experiences that broaden
our knowledge of people, relationships, cultures or of the world?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those are real gifts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In schools and colleges we pay good
money to receive such gifts from others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Can we see ourselves as helping others by opening ourselves up to being
helped in one way or another by them? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It makes sense that we want our children and youth to grow up
feeling that they are competent doers and helpers of others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We want them to develop a strong sense
of what social scientists call, “agency”, feelings that “I can do things that
matter”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So why then, can’t we older adults, we folks who have helped
make other people’s world go around as teachers, librarians, pilots, business
managers, administrative assistants, medical professionals, farmers, mothers,
engineers, truck drivers, etc. for some 50+ years, now see it as an opportunity
to open ourselves to learning from people at the margins; to find out what’s on
their mind, to listen to their stories, to appreciate their accomplishments –
whatever those might be – and to sit and emotionally share in similar sorrows
and joys.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And it is the last
phrase that is the most important, because it means that we have openly
listened to them to learn what makes them happy and to understand what makes
them feel distress.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is then
that we will have leveled the playing field.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is then that we know we have built a sense of trust.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is then that we become friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is then that we are truly treating
our neighbors as ourselves!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Bruce</span><!--EndFragment-->
Bruce B. Robertshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11223873570329813411noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-946263926988247177.post-87337437701881653262014-12-16T10:27:00.000-06:002014-12-16T10:28:01.029-06:00<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<h1>
<span style="font-size: 22.0pt;">Celebrating Stories:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God and Buffalo Bill</span></h1>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #444444;">Two years
ago, I took a <i>Cannon Valley Elder Collegium</i></span><span style="color: #444444;"> class on <b><i>Buffalo Bill</i></b></span><span style="color: #444444;">, taught by Bob Bonner, a friend of
mine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Buffalo Bill has
always been an important person for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I looked at Buffalo Bill from the perspective of a Westerner, since I
grew up in California and worked as a cowboy on a ranch in Wyoming.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yet a number of the written sources for
the course on Buffalo Bill were written by men who were Easterners.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Same topic but fascinatingly different
perspectives!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #444444;">I saw Buffalo
Bill as a Westerner, like me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
lived in my life, so to speak.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In
my mind he was an embellished embodiment of who I was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whereas some of the East Coast writers
looked at Buffalo Bill at a distance, across the frontier, as they wrote about
his life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For them, at least it
seemed to me, Buffalo Bill was not a part of who they were.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Buffalo Bill was a dashing and
talented, external figure who they found to be important enough to study and
write about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
At first, as I realized this difference in how different
people looked at Buffalo Bill, I was a bit bothered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But as the course moved along, and especially because the
instructor himself was from Wyoming, I grew to understand that although there
were differences among scholars in how we saw and understood Buffalo Bill, the
important thing was that we were all “talking” about the same issue – the story
of Buffalo Bill <u>in our own lives</u>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>As it has turned out, this revelation has been, for me, grounds for
celebration.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #444444;">During a recent
weekend I revisited this story of turning differences into celebration. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #444444;">Stacy, a
former student in my department at St. Olaf College was visiting Northfield to
hear her oldest daughter play the violin in the St. Olaf Christmas
Concert.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This very intelligent
woman is now a Christian Counselor living in Texas and she and I had been
having an ongoing conversation on email about how people saw God and how that
played out for them from a psychological perspective.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
Stacy approaches the topic of God’s work among us from the
perspective of an evangelical Christian who sees God as not only an important
part of herself, but as a fundamental source of all she is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whereas I see God as more of an
external figure –<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>but yet a part
of my world as I explore human emotions and behavior as a route to a better
understanding of how to enable older adults feel that they still matter.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #444444;">During Stacy
and my coffee-conversation the weekend of the Christmas Concert, the memories
of my course on Buffalo Bill reappeared in my mind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The more I thought about the comparisons, the more I
realized, <b>again</b></span><span style="color: #444444;">,
that <u>centering</u> on </span><span style="color: #222222;">our
somewhat differing views on knowing God, does not aid our understanding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #222222;">T</span><span style="color: #444444;">o ask others how God plays out in our
lives is to talk and listen to stories; a multitude of broad ranging
stories.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We all live storied
lives, and our primary means of knowing God and Jesus comes from the stories of
the Bible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In conversations we
each bring our perceptions of how the stories of God that come to our mind fit
the stories of our own life experiences – and vice versa!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As we connect our narratives into a
co-authored version of a larger story, we gain perspectives on how God lives in
the lives of people all around us. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #222222;">For instance,
if two people are having a discussion about the role of religion in their
lives, one may read the words in the Bible literally, whereas the other may
read them contextually;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One person
may focus on God’s love for herself, whereas the other person might explore
God’s law for the way he treats his<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>conversational partner, a neighbor, as himself;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One person may seek the mystery of God,
whereas his conversational partner may marvel at how God created each of us so
that believing in Him is possible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But these differences are not opposites, as
I tried at first to pretend in my course on Buffalo Bill; they are alternative
ways of answering common questions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #222222;">These
differences are not in competition with each other, the two conversational
partners are, presumably, both on the same journey.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Differences are not a matter of faith being external or
internal, faith is necessarily both, concomitantly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The differences between these two conversational
partners are not in conflict, they form a whole picture of God in the lives of
people -- together.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #222222;">Our
differences are a part of our respective stories – our stories of ourselves
with God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Each of our
stories encompass our current recall of our lifetime of experiences plus
imagined futures.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thus, when we
share our stories of ourselves with God, it is not like describing the features
of a new cell phone, we are sharing our ways of knowing, thinking and
feeling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are describing ways
that shape our joy and our experiences of difficulties.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are describing what it is that
we notice from among an enormous array of possibilities we encounter in daily
life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are, frankly, describing
a part of what is meaningful to us about getting up in the morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #222222;">Because God
can live in and among us all, the more we choose to join with others to talk
and listen with openness, honesty, trust and respect for alternative ways of
understanding God, especially if there are differences among us, the more we
can truly understand the nature of God through the stories of people’s lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #222222;">When we
understand the storied pictures of God through conversations with others, we
draw closer together – as neighbors, and that is worth celebrating!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Times;">Bruce</span><!--EndFragment-->
Bruce B. Robertshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11223873570329813411noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-946263926988247177.post-54044714369331937502014-11-22T09:58:00.000-06:002014-11-22T09:58:26.181-06:00
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<br />
<div class="MsoTitle">
<span style="font-size: 28.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i>Letting Go <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I always thought that the verse in <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ecclesiastes+3%3A6&version=ESV"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Ecclesiastes
3:6</span></a><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“A time to seek,
and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away.” was grounded in
reality, but frankly it did not give me much guidance for <u>how to “let go”</u>,
especially when the stakes were high, such as in the loss of a job.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now as an older adult, the theme of “letting go” sometimes
seems like the elevator music of our lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We say good-bye to our friends, to our homes and to
our health.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When people ask
what we do, the “used-to-bes” are not only distressing, but boring to
boot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are wonderful
public writers who tell us how physicians have trouble letting go of those of
us who are failing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are
experts who tell us how best to handle letting go of our lovable pets when age
takes them from us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But there is a more subtle yet distressing change for all of
us older folks that seems to unravel over time;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>our sense of who we are – our identity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t argue that this is the
most important change in our evolving lives, but neither do I want to argue
that we should just, “get over it”.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It isn’t really just the loss of our daily work when we
retire that is at the root of this letting go. We older adults have
been through many losses by the time we retire.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We have waved good-by to our kids as they have gone through
our front door for the last time as their <i>permanent</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> port in the storm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We have watched moving vans take our “memoried lives” away
from the street where we lived.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We
have heard the voices of people we loved for the last time as they left this
place with us on earth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A woman, Geeg, who just completed a course my colleague,
Howard Thorsheim, and I taught, “<i>Gratitude and Belief:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Noticing the Whole Picture”</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> asked us recently, “Could a course on Gratitude be a
‘jumping off place’ for a course on “Letting Go”?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>-- a course that asks, “How does one sort through and decide
what to let go and what to keep?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I started to think about Geeg’s question, it overwhelmed
me;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>how does one start a course
discussing the pain of people letting go of their disappearing church that has
been their lifeline to both heaven and earth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How does one talk with an older person about getting over
the loss of freedom and contribution when he or she can no longer drive and
thus can no longer easily help friends or volunteer to assist at the church
meals for the poor?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How does one
help a person grapple with their own disappearing selves when nobody <u>ever</u>
talks about some competency or quality of theirs?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then two things came together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>First was the recognition that the pain we feel from our
“good-by saying” has <u>specific</u> changes associated with them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For instance, the understanding that for
men as they retire, one thing that happens is that people tend to no longer
“express esteem or respect for a competency or personal quality of theirs” came
from Howard’s and my research with 3,000 people in church congregations.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Second, Geeg wasn’t in fact asking us
to start with the pain, she was asking if we could start with the
gratitude.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, for instance,
rather than lament the lack of comments about our ability to produce flawless
accounting sheets, or the loss of twice being called the best-ever fourth grade
teacher, why not start with <b><i><u>celebrating</u></i></b><span style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal;"> those times when “</span><i>we
were somebody</i><span style="font-style: normal;">” whether that somebody was a
mother running a household, or a plumber saving the day for people whose houses
were flooding.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Or rather than lament the feelings of absence one gets from
a half-filled church, let’s turn our changing church into new possibilities for
seeing God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let’s find and
celebrate the “good” that still flourishes at church on a daily basis.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let’s share stories about the positive
influence our church has on so many people, including those who have been
children in our Sunday Schools and have become solid citizens and even leaders
in the community. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But… importantly, such celebrations are not suggested as
being like the ornate glass vase we receive when we retired that symbolized the
culmination of one’s useful life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We suggest that the celebration of lives be a time of <u>looking
together at possibilities for noticing new ways of being</u> (who we are).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The key, of course, is “taking small steps together”, so
that stories shared among all of us are not only an inspiration but like candy
jars full of hope as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If,
over time, we can learn to listen to each other with open ears, we will hear
the <u>whole story</u> of the joys as well as the pain that were always a part
of our life;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>then and now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In doing so we may begin to see that
the joys of life still abound.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If
we truly believe that we will “find the good” right here, all around us, right
now, then we will indeed “see the good” and that truth will set us free.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> (</span>John 8:32!)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Bruce<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
---------------------------<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
PS<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>An important
collaborator on this vision of turning our fears of change into an ally is
Geeg, an insightful student from our <i>Gratitude</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> class.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In response to
this “Letting Go” piece, she writes: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
“As I write these words I am
thinking to myself....if I truly am going to practice my Christianity then I
have to GO WITH [my thoughts about letting go]. Easy to do sitting at the
computer writing.....hard to do when life throws a curve ball.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh boy....…letting go of good stuff is
so hard. It feels like there will never be good stuff again.
Feeling gratitude becomes HARD WORK at a time when one is weak, tired,
unfocused/ redirected and not up to HARD WORK. So, like we talked about in
class, maybe the work won't be so hard if the practice has been honed earlier;
A <i>jumping off place</i><span style="font-style: normal;">.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe the work wouldn't be so hard if
it was practiced and supported earlier with someone else on a regular basis
(kind of like working out);<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Heck,
maybe if at the bottom of every prescription there were the words
"Take 2x daily with meals and 3 gratitudes"! Maybe the
challenge is to kind of do a “Gratitude Find Waldo” in every maze and detour of
life events. Easy for me sitting at a computer tapping away at the keys.....hard
to do out there in the rest of the hours of the day. Guess our faith
allows for that though.......practice not perfection. Don't Should On
Myself. Let Go---Let God.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
The words from DeWitt Jones’ video,
“<i>Celebrate What’s Right With The World</i><span style="font-style: normal;">”
that we showed in class, come to mind, " One never knows where it's all
going to go....we just have to do it and trust".<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"> Geeg</span><!--EndFragment-->
Bruce B. Robertshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11223873570329813411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-946263926988247177.post-14416342042688354392014-11-01T13:25:00.001-05:002014-11-01T13:28:24.603-05:00<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<h2 align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 28.0pt;">Prayers
of Celebration:<o:p></o:p></span></h2>
<h2 align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 28.0pt;">Giving
Life to Older Adults<o:p></o:p></span></h2>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
I was reading recently about a psychologist at Yale who
says that our stereotypes of older adults affect our health as we age.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those of us who have a more positive
view of aging (that older adults are capable, active and full of life) seem to
live an average of 7 years longer than those of us who have a negative view of
aging (that older adults are sickly, helpless, and grumpy!)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wow, I thought, that’s a pretty big
difference.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
Recent research by some of those same psychologists at
Yale and Berkeley further refines our understanding of age-related
stereotypes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They found that
negative stereotypes can be changed through current events in our lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
The extent to which this is true for those of us in church
congregations is worth investigating.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It means that our church can be an important player in the health,
well-being and length of life of the older adults in their congregation.</div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
For instance, during the prayers of the church each
Sunday, it seems that the majority of the names listed, are those of older
adults.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sunday after Sunday, Month
after Month, Year after Year, the message sinks in;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>we hold up the names of older adults because the are sickly
and in need of our help.</div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
Perhaps, if our churches not only held up our names during
the prayers of the church because of our recent falls or illnesses, our
churches could also identify in <b><i>prayers of celebration</i></b><span style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal;">, older adult members in their
congregations who are capable, active and full of life in one way or another. </span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
“Why would you do that?” you might ask.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Why single out a few older adults
each Sunday who took a long bike trip, are active on a city committee, or took
their grandchild to visit colleges? for example.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
The reason is because the ways we get
noticed are important to our sense of who we are – our identity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If we older adults always seem to be the ones
who need the care and concern of the church, that’s the way we think about
ourselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But if we and our
age-mates are also identified for our contributions to life around us, no
matter how modest, we older adults can see ourselves as active and engaged.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It will affect our health!</div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
“Why not do that for everyone, then?” you might next
ask.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Sure, why not.” I’d
say. “Go for it!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But this is a
blog about older adults.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So at
least for now I’ll stick to that topic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bruce</span><!--EndFragment-->
Bruce B. Robertshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11223873570329813411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-946263926988247177.post-30462007319221246392014-10-01T09:18:00.003-05:002014-10-01T09:18:58.927-05:00
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<br />
<div class="MsoBodyText" style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Why Fix The Roof <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText" style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">If It Isn’t Raining?</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText2">
Issues of war and peace grab our mind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bad things happening in our
neighborhood catch our attention.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The serious illnesses of friends and acquaintances draw our empathy and
foster action of prayer, cards, calls, food, and help with errands. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText2">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText2">
Then what do we do on so-called “normal days”?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On those bad-free days, do we engage
life in a way that strengthens our <u>sense of <i>resilience</i></u><span style="font-style: normal;"> in preparation for those difficult days that we know
will come again?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or, do we think,
“Why Fix The Roof If It Isn’t Raining?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText2">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText2">
Church congregations can be like that, springing into
action when members of the congregation are sick or have an accident or fall
into difficult times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But absent
terrible news, churches may not understand how important it is to help their
congregation members strengthen the reach of their collective resilience.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But, how could they know; <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText2" style="margin-left: .5in;">
Our culture stresses the power
of the individual.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is easy to
forget that we are all created as social creatures.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We learn early as babies, that we are physically and
socially dependent on others for everything, but we fight that dependence later
as teens when our newly sanctioned legal freedoms promote our struggles to be
independent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In those very same
years, however, teenagers also confront their strong physical attraction toward
others – and then more or less live with that independent/dependent
bewilderment for the rest of their lives.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText2" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText2">
Yet in messages of strength, courage and leadership, our
culture is clear that it is “I” as an individual who is responsible for my own
health and well-being – until “I” am hurt, sick or become old, then “I” must
suddenly flick the switch and become a ward of the care of others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“That’s the way it works”, we are told.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText2">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText2">
Where do we learn about our God-given
relationship-oriented-spiritual-heart in all of this?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Where do we learn – where do our churches learn – that we
are <u>all</u> a part of the well-being processes for each other?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Experience, perhaps?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText2">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText2">
Before my wife and I had cancer at the same time a few
years ago, I saw myself as highly independent and very resilient.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was not worried about doing what
needed to be done;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just knew I
could do it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I saw “resiliency
skills” as being a part of who I was as an individual and since my ideas about
myself were so solidly culturally appropriate, I never had any reason to think
otherwise. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText2">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText2">
Then came cancer, and everything I believed about my
resilience changed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will never
be so fooled by cultural messages again!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText2">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText2">
I found that not only could I not, by myself, effectively
help my wife with her cancer, but I really couldn’t help myself very well
either.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It took a proliferation of
comforting stories about what to expect from colleagues, continuing affirmations
of our strengths from friends, prayers from our church, and diverse positive
conversations with laughter and kindness to requests for help, from
acquaintances, friends and family.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText2">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText2">
When those “very bad days” were over for us thanks to
that <i>circling of the wagons</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> of
reciprocal support from our friends, family and acquaintances, I realized how
important it was to spend time during “normal days” filling our </span><i>watersheds
of resilience</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> with what I now saw as “<b>social
resilience</b></span>” not “personal resilience”.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText2">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText2">
During those “normal days” are times when we need to work
and play together with others to develop and sustain the <u>reciprocal
relationships of knowing, caring and supporting</u> among those who will be a
part of the <i>circling of the wagons</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> team
-- for adding to our resilience the next time the “very bad days” happen.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText2">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText2">
Furthermore, I realized that as I age, it becomes more
difficult to engage others -- my energy wanes and developing and sustaining
social resilience becomes more difficult with each passing year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I now realize that to encourage the
filling of people’s <i>watersheds of resilience</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> is perhaps <u>the most important social task that a church can do</u>
for its older adult members.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText2">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText2">
Churches must learn to divide their time between helping
the congregation <i>circle the wagons</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> of
support and comfort for those of us who are having “very bad days”, and at the
same time create settings for their congregational members to gather for fun,
challenge and learning, and in the process fill their </span><i>watersheds of
resilience</i><span style="font-style: normal;">.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText2">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText2">
We are diverse people, we older adults, and a universal
approach for filling our <i>watersheds of resilience</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> will not satisfy everyone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But if the leaders of our churches can find former leaders among their
older adult community, those capable people can, by using their “leftover
talents”, help build diverse but sustainable approaches to meeting the needs of
the older adult community for (1) exercise, (2) health enhancing behavior
(including proper nutrition), and (3) volunteer possibilities.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText2">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText2">
But the most important will be for the church to develop enjoyable
ways for older adults <span style="color: #222222;">to bring their ideas,
meaningful issues, hopes, and dreams to church, to share with those who listen
and accept their questions and ideas, and work together to transform those
creative ideas into workable processes for enhancing health and well
being.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText2">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Bruce</span><!--EndFragment-->
Bruce B. Robertshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11223873570329813411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-946263926988247177.post-7120896348175934592014-09-25T12:19:00.000-05:002014-09-25T12:19:06.348-05:00<br />
<blockquote style="border-collapse: collapse; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" type="cite">
<div>
<div dir="ltr">
<div>
<h1>
Balanced Conversations: </h1>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</blockquote>
<blockquote style="border-collapse: collapse; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" type="cite">
<div>
<div dir="ltr">
<div>
<h1>
A Matter of Community</h1>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
I have been having a good conversation online with a man I do not know other than the fact that he is the president of a moderate-sized Lutheran church congregation.<span> </span>We have been discussing the evolving position by the ELCA for welcoming gay and lesbian people, including gay and lesbian church leaders into the fold.<span> [Note: The gay/lesbian issue is merely an <u>example</u> of the importance of <i>balance</i> in communication that my friend and I are discussing.]</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
I personally welcomed this change in ELCA support for the gay and lesbian concerns.<span> </span>Not that I would have 20 or 25 years ago.<span> </span>But thanks to conversations over the years with a friend-of-ours’ daughter, a lesbian, who we have known personally since she was a baby, my wife and I have become advocates for appreciating our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters completely.<span> </span>It has become real to us that we are all equal as human beings in God’s eyes, regardless of our sexual orientation.<span> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
However, my Internet friend and congregational leader basically said to me, “Whoa, not so fast.<span> </span>Just because you are convinced that the ELCA made a good move in their votes, does not mean that all ELCA members feel that way.”<span> As he was telling me about this controversial issue in his church, h</span>e said,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: ArialMT;">“When we were in a recent call process it took all we had as leaders to hold the congregation together, as members on both sides wanted to have it out;<span> </span>a my side vs. your side battle for the congregation. I would not let them slug it out. I used the statements in ELCA documents to show that each side was 'accepted' and we came together and this year accepted a set of core beliefs that don't push that topic one way or the other. Declaring a winner in this fight is not core to being Christian. Therefore we agreed as a congregation to abide together. I had to take this approach because our mission would not survive with a significant fragment of either side remaining. So sticking it out together with our diversity of views on this topic is slowly moving us forward.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0.5in; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: ArialMT;">However, when the top down church position is clearly slanted and the more conservative members of my church call me out on the fact that all positions were supposed to be OK, how I am supposed to respond?<span> </span>Where is there anything, an article, an editorial, any official statement of any kind balancing the equation so that those who stand opposed to ordination of gay and lesbian people can have their say?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
I thought about my friend’s comments.<span> </span>Ironically, I talk about the importance of helping people notice and tell others about doing good in life, i.e. “doing unto others as we would have them do unto us”,<span> </span>I know that the personal meaning inside that well known Biblical injunction is a matter of <i><u>subjective belief</u></i><span style="font-style: normal;"> based on a person’s experience and the influence of their friends and other social persuasions.<span> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
As a result, I have become increasingly aware of the importance of listening to public statements from those ELCA members who do not support the evolution of the church toward complete acceptance of gay and lesbian people in all positions in the church.<span> </span>It is in the midst of trying times like these that it remains important that we church community members continue to talk about diverse but meaningful issues together as an acknowledgement of our respect for each other – all under the umbrella of God’s children.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
Bruce</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</blockquote>
<div>
<div>
<div dir="ltr">
<div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<br /></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
Bruce B. Robertshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11223873570329813411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-946263926988247177.post-88147162409252024362014-09-15T14:06:00.000-05:002014-09-15T14:06:06.351-05:00
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<br />
<div class="MsoTitle" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Benevolence Reconsidered</span></b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was talking with a good friend and faithful church member
about our church’s benevolence gifts the other day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was lamenting the fact that the church seems to spend most
of its benevolence money on foreign missions while meeting needs in our own
community and especially in our own church with some reluctance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My friend seemed somewhat
surprised that there were “marginal” folks in our midst.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think that my friend assumed that
those are people who live or go to church elsewhere. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What’s going on here?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Are those “worthy” of our church’s benevolence being painted with the
same ideological brushes as our national media paints recipients of government
entitlements and need-based assistance?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Perhaps a part of the problem is our criteria of
“need”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As individuals, we can
think of the words needy, marginal, deprived, disadvantaged, or poor with some
degree of clarity in our own mind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We may “know” who those people are and what they look like – disheveled
perhaps, or without transportation, or strange, or sick, or old.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everybody else, we may think, can get
by just fine on their own, <u>like we do</u>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But “need” is a <u>subjective</u> phenomenon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Marginal” has very different
descriptive criteria for different people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So to focus our 10% benevolence money on foreign
mission work, for instance, can miss the needs closer to home that would make
both church and community stronger and more vital.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Perhaps a part of the problem is our divergent
understandings of issues such as the meaning of benevolence, the instructions
from the Gospel and the components of our well-being.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Benevolence is defined in the dictionary as good will or
disposition to do good for others;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>an act of kindness; a generous gift.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is nothing here to suggest that the recipient of
benevolence must be the poorest of the poor in a foreign country.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even the Synonyms listed in the
dictionary (<a href="http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/favor"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">favor</span></a>,
<a href="http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/boon"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">boon</span></a>,
<a href="http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/courtesy"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">courtesy</span></a>,
<a href="http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/grace"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">grace</span></a>,
<a href="http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/indulgence"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">indulgence</span></a>,
<a href="http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/kindness"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">kindness</span></a>,
<a href="http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/mercy"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">mercy</span></a>,
<a href="http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/service"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">service</span></a>)
only note one possibility, “mercy” that suggests that benevolence is related to
a form of pity for others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Bible discusses many ways that help us better understand
benevolence:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
In Acts: ‘It is more blessed to
give than to receive.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
In Galatians: , “…let us do good to
everyone...”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
In Romans: “Let each of us please
his neighbor for his good, to build him up.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
And especially in Mark: “You shall
love your neighbor as yourself.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Nothing here suggests we share our benevolence only with the
most downtrodden in the world.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And then there is the whole confusion around issues of
giving vs. receiving.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Certainly
most of us know from our personal experience that we feel good about ourselves
when we <u>contribute</u> to life in meaningful ways, and that we actually
begin to feel down and somewhat helpless when we are <u>just</u> recipients of
other people’s benevolence’s over time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So to love our neighbor and build her or him up, we
need to be open to receiving his or her offers of help to us so that he or she
gains in their sense of well-being and health.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But perhaps the problem is that we don’t really know how to
empower people in order to enable them to build a better life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We know how to give money, and cans of
food, and old clothes, and used furniture. But do we know how to make our
church a place where if people come, they feel they are built up, that they
find a sense of well-being, and that people pay attention to them and ask for
ways that they are able to contribute to life in our midst?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Bruce</span><!--EndFragment-->
Bruce B. Robertshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11223873570329813411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-946263926988247177.post-63799173470526099082014-08-28T16:07:00.000-05:002014-08-28T16:13:39.299-05:00<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">Through the Front Door Conversations</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 24px; font-weight: bold;"> </span><br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">As Complimentary to Steeple Teachings</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Must conversations and
understanding of church always start by coming through the steeple with God’s
words?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Can the conversations and
understanding of church also start by going through the front doors and
listening to what’s on the minds of the people of that community of God?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Both approaches, through the
steeple and through the front door, assume the betterment of our life together
through faith, hope, grace and the love of neighbor as oneself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">The “potential for good” from
listening to what is personally meaningful and on the minds of people of God’s
community accessed through the front door, can be seen as <i>complimentary</i></span><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> to essential teachings of God accessed through the steeple.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">I argue that if we don’t
begin soon addressing <u>both</u> the healing and the empowering components of
our local church by listening to conversations started with what is on the mind
of people in local churches, we will never solve the several difficulties our
contemporary church is facing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">I am going to paraphrase the
thoughts of Mark D. Roberts in his Reflections on Christ, Church and Culture: <a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/markdroberts/series/what-is-a-church/">http://www.patheos.com/blogs/markdroberts/series/what-is-a-church/</a><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>drawn 8/27/2014.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">---------------------<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">The very thing that our
church should be focusing on – our life together as a community – is hampered
by misdirected efforts to focus as a church on larger societal issues through
pronouncements.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We must try harder
to get our own act together in local congregations.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">We need to pay more attention
to the regular, tangible, essential gatherings of our local church community. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">It means that the larger
church body needs to put more energy into nurturing (empowering) local church
engagements.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">It means that both the larger
church body and the local congregations need to be open to new structures that
support both broad church and local congregation purposes, rather than holding
on to structures of the past that serve existing hierarchies but do not support
the common life and mission of local churches.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">It means that we would strive
harder to form complimentary gatherings that truly reflect the gospel of Jesus
Christ, one that shines as a light into our dark world and gives hope to
individual and community alike.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">It means that we would see
our local gatherings as essential, not only to our congregational life, but
also to the health of our local communities.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">It means we would care as
much about God’s justice unfolding within the unique contexts of local churches
as we do about the overarching message of God’s justice from church
hierarchies.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">--------------------<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Bruce</span><!--EndFragment-->
Bruce B. Robertshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11223873570329813411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-946263926988247177.post-56142810619894585442014-08-13T08:41:00.001-05:002014-08-13T08:41:22.738-05:00
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<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 20.0pt;"><b>Can the Church Turn Around the Tables of Success? <o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
I just attended the funeral of a colleague from St. Olaf
College;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>she was one of the most
unusual administrators I have known.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I was a department chair during the time that she was in charge of
connecting undergraduate students with employed graduates around the country
for conversations about and exposure to life after college. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
But my colleague didn’t just make policy, create
structure, and inform faculty what we were supposed to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When our department expressed
interest in some kind of program, she would suggest a variety of possibilities,
make the arrangements for our choice of possible approaches, invite resources,
contact students, set up the facilities and arrange the “educational”
opportunities.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As the chair of a
department, I was daily involved in so many diverse tasks, that working with my
administrative colleague in this manner was truly a breath of fresh air.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
As success came from projects completed in partnership
with her, other challenges and endeavors also seemed more amenable to
success.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is no small issue,
for in the midst of a frustrating complexity of tasks and the lack of easy
resources for resolution, thoughtful offers of support and guidance shaped a
hopeful future at the same it brought people together.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
Drawing on the dilemma I brought up in my last blog,
“Church and the Red Splot”, I wonder if it would ever be possible for our
Lutheran Church hierarchy to become like my administrative colleague to those
of us in congregations who struggle to find ways to address what’s on our mind
-- mental illness, alcoholism, joblessness, diminishing membership, youth
expectations, cancer, or homelessness (etc.)?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As individuals and
congregations we are often asked to respond to the issues that are of special
interest to the leadership at the top of the church hierarchy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those issues are usually important yet
they may seem to have little to do with the burning personal issues that so
many of us in congregations are facing – today!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But can <i>The Church</i> hierarchy turn these tables around?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is it possible that church leaders can
begin by asking (all?) congregations about the most important and meaningful
personal issues they and their community are now facing?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then by drawing people together from
those congregations that have similar issues, can they engage them with
issue-specific resources and empowering support;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>enabling congregational teams to do what needs to be done to
find success in approaching their concerns?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It need not be expensive to
do this;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>online gatherings can be
amazingly helpful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And retired
resources may be more than willing to lend their support.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
So, can we give it a try?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Times;">Bruce</span><!--EndFragment-->
Bruce B. Robertshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11223873570329813411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-946263926988247177.post-56756534125766456232014-08-08T09:16:00.000-05:002014-08-08T09:16:01.566-05:00
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<br />
<div class="MsoTitle" style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Church and the Red Splots</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 22pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoTitle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
An important encounter happened recently as my wife and I
walked back to our car at the conclusion of a funeral in a small Minnesota
farming town.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The town, I’ll
call it, Crucible, had been a small farming community of Scandinavian (mostly
Norwegian) immigrants.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It had a
maximum population of a bit over 600 in the mid 1940s.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It had dropped to a low of 250 a few
years ago as a result of the change from many small farms to much fewer bigger
farms in the territory plus the recent financial recession.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Recently, partly as a result of an
influx of immigrants from the South Pacific Islands, the town’s population has
increased to about 370.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As my wife and I walked to the car, the first thing we saw
was three Black young adults in gym shorts and shirts walking by on their way
to join their friends at the school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>As they passed right by us going the opposite direction, they didn’t
catch our eye at first, but responded as my wife said “hello guys”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A few feet further along our walk, a man dressed in a suit
came up to us and said, “Come here, I want to show you something.” (We didn’t
who he was for sure but because he was dressed up we assumed that he had been
at the funeral and perhaps knew me as one of the speakers.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He pointed to the black topped roadway
about five feet away where there was about a four inch splot of dark red.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I first looked, I thought the red splot might be dried
blood and he was going to tell us about a recent tragedy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But instead, he said, “<u>This</u> is
what they do.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was said in a
way that the red splot was identified as definitive evidence of the whole
situation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then he went on, “We
love them to death, but these immigrants come here and eat their “betel nut
leaves” and then spit out the juice like this all over town.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Our interpreter of his changing town went on to say
something in a way that was clearly not meant to be a statement about
statistics.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a comment about
his own and “his” town’s changing life -- and his confusion, fear, or anger --
not really sure what was the underlying emotion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anyway, he said, “We used to be a town of Norwegians and
some Swedes, but now we are only 40% of the population.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He stopped his comments at that point
as if what he just said explained the entire state of affairs and his apparent
quandary.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Frankly, I don’t know more about the town of <i>Crucible</i><span style="font-style: normal;">, or the interracial dynamics in the town, but the
encounter that day reminded me of the late 60s at St. Olaf College when there were
huge changes going on in the culture of our student body as a new array of
illegal drugs permeated the campus.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The drugs caused “strange” behaviors in the students and created a
difficult challenge for the staff who were supposed to deal properly with this
new world;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>we were confused,
fearful and sometimes angry (because we didn’t know what to do to be helpful). </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Steve Miles, the student body president, suggested that some
of the staff should get a quick education on the new drugs in town and how to go
about being helpful – no matter the cost.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The St. Olaf College President, Sid Rand, agreed with Steve and
consequently sent me to the University of Chicago for three-days of classes
addressing the issues we were facing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Soon policies and educational efforts on campus evolved that
made a positive difference.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m
not arguing that our new set of approaches alleviated all the problems by any
means, but with the help of many students it lowered the student and staff
level of fear, confusion, and anger so that we were better able to address many
issues on campus in an intelligent and rational manner.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Given the amazing stories of change coming from our
churches, why can’t they serve themselves and the communities in which they are
located as leaders asking good questions and hosting discussions for exploring
multiple routes toward some kind of resolution.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
First, teams of congregation and community members could
attend education sessions (in central locations and/or online) to learn more
about the situations they are facing and together share ideas for addressing
what needs to be done in their locality.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The issues addressed would of course need to be contextual
to the situation of any given church and its community.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For some the issue might be a dwindling
number of parishioners, for others the drug use of some members of the church
or community, for others an influx of immigrants in town, for others concern
about texting and driving by the young, and for others the draw of gangs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The possibilities are endless, and our
churches would seem to be the most significant organizations in most
communities to get the process started and bring a measure of hope. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is, it seems to me, doing God’s work.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Bruce</span><!--EndFragment-->
Bruce B. Robertshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11223873570329813411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-946263926988247177.post-35374032393214474492014-08-01T14:57:00.001-05:002014-08-01T14:57:10.381-05:00
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<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 24.0pt;"><b>The “Right Way” as Keel?;<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 24.0pt;"><b>Our Eternal Conundrum.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">There is no doubt about it,
many if not most of us find solace and comfort in knowing the “right way” to
think, feel, believe, act, etc.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In
an often confusing world, to know that you know what is right is a like the
keel on a boat – it helps you to move straight ahead even in the midst of
troubled waters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our religious
beliefs can be like that for most of us.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">But there is no doubt about
it, many if not most of us have found that at some point or other in our life,
as we seek actions that are clearly in the best interests of everybody, we bump
into gatekeepers that tell us our plan is not “the right way”;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>it’s not the way to do it here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The religious beliefs of others
can be like that at times for us.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Why is it that rather than
open our ears, our minds and our hearts and really engage each other in honest
and open conversations about the issues before us, those who know “the right
way”, those who have counted on the keel of their religion to keep them upright
and headed straight ahead, point to that which give them solace and comfort and
then close their ears, their mind and their heart to alternative suggestions
and approaches that might offer hope, support and help given the difficult
issues before us.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">The easiest way to cling to
one’s own keel, is to simply not to acknowledge or reply to considerations,
questions, and ways of thinking outside of one’s own religious and family
traditions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But this rigidity is a
serious barrier to life-giving positive relationships in a congregation or
across our larger church.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Weakened
or destroyed are the very relationship connections that bring us all health and
well-being.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">We follow the nightly news
and sorrow at the horrendous conflicts among people who have different beliefs
about the right ways of thinking and believing in other countries.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yet, in our own towns and congregations
we allow similar differences to keep us apart and<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>muffle healing conversations.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Why not redouble our efforts
to use the power of open conversations -- easily available to us via <i>The
Lutheran Online</i></span><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> or <i>The Living
Lutheran</i></span><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">, for instance – to comment,
to ask, to share, to know, to listen, to comfort, to sustain each other as
together we as a church become part of the solution in our troubled world, not
part of the problem.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Bruce</span><!--EndFragment-->
Bruce B. Robertshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11223873570329813411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-946263926988247177.post-27497118050804437602014-07-25T11:47:00.000-05:002014-07-25T11:47:40.620-05:00
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<br />
<div class="MsoTitle" style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Ask Not</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Ask not what your church can do for
you, ask what you can do for your church.</i></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Arial Narrow Italic';"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
With apologies to President Kennedy and to members of
congregations who have for years given their all to shore up their church in
creative ways, I would like to come to grips with the reality of the human
nature behind of Kennedy’s words.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Our churches often point with pride to their outreach to
those in need, whether across the street or across the globe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How many of you are members of
congregations that identify front and center your good works in supporting
missions in Asia or Africa?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How
many of you are members of churches that proudly identify efforts by clergy and
laity alike to keep in touch with the less able, the shut-ins and the
bereaved?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How many of you are
members of churches that repeatedly identify the blessing we all <i>receive</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> as gifts from our God?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I hope that most of you answered, “I am.” to those
questions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These actions are
important to the missions and purposes of our churches and as such should be
“practiced” and publicly noticed and appreciated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The focus in our newsletters, bulletin boards and
“Temple Talks” about the things we do as a church not only define our church,
but they identify ways to think about a Godly life for each of us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The practices noticed in our church can
become the identity practiced by members of a congregation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But we all know, because we have been there, that as much as
we appreciate a helping hand with food when we are incapacitated, or words of
compassion when we are troubled, or directions along a pathway when we are
confused, that we would never choose to live our life in such a “receiving”
mode.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We, all of us, need to also
feel that we are reasonably capable of giving help, finding solutions to
problems, and being in reasonable control of our own lives in the company of
people we like and appreciate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This is as true for older adults as it is for the middle-aged adults as
it is for the youth. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So how does a church go about including success in
empowering people for the “I am competent” half of the human equation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Where are the headlines in the
bulletin and newsletters proudly touting instances in which congregation has
created opportunities for those who receive the churches support to become our
teachers in ways we would never have expected?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Where are the “Temple Talks” lauding the older adults in the
church who gathered the youth to ask the young for ideas for making life better
for all?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Where are the
well-publicized discussions of clergy and laity alike asking the less active
members of the congregation for help in thinking about and acting on creative
ways for fostering new ways to improve life for members of the communities in
which they live?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I write these words as an older adult who, though feeling a bit
less energy or capability to do what I’d like to do with each passing year,
still do not like being given a default identity as the kind of person the
church needs to help.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The solutions lie in considerations of new, creative ways
all members of the church, including my older age-mates can be noticed publicly
as we contribute in ways that we are able to improve the well-being of our
church, our community, our country and our world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d like us to be known not just as a part of the problem
but also as a <u>necessary</u> part of the solution.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It would do wonders for our health and well-being and could
support our churches in their efforts to help create a better world.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Bruce</span><!--EndFragment-->
Bruce B. Robertshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11223873570329813411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-946263926988247177.post-24996872900247570992014-07-18T10:33:00.000-05:002014-07-18T11:14:01.667-05:00<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<h1 align="center" style="text-align: center;">
In Praise of Acquaintances</h1>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The other day after a Sunday church service, one of the
members of the congregation came up to me and said that he had signed up for
the course on <b><i>Gratitude and Beliefs</i></b><span style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal;"> that my colleague and I are teaching this fall in the </span><i>Cannon
Valley Elder Collegium</i><span style="font-style: normal;">.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know this person and like him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When we meet at church we usually make
eye contact, nod and smile, and perhaps say “Hello” or “How’s it going?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If there is something significant
going on, like a snowstorm, or a big game, or a forthcoming program at church
on mental illness, we might comment even more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If we bumped into each other downtown or in a store, we
would typically follow the same pattern of greeting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Should we happen to sit next to each other during an
informal church gathering, our understandings of each other’s interests and
experiences would surely increase a bit.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I feel good during those brief meetings in the hall,
whatever form they take.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d be
hard pressed to say that our greetings <i>make my entire day</i><span style="font-style: normal;">, but they make me feel cheerful at the moment and
they remind me that I’m not invisible, and that I am recognized by a person who
I know and appreciate – that I matter to someone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If asked, I’d say that this person was an <i>acquaintance</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is certainly not a stranger, nor is
he one of my more intimate close friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Such face-to-face encounters with “acquaintances” in my
church give me feelings of “belonging” – a connection that affirms to me that
who I am – a person welcomed by others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It makes me feel at home; connected to my
community.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I sit in church
with acquaintances on all sides, and we join together in prayer, liturgy, song
and communion, it makes me feel comfortable and content –- I suppose it is a
form of gratitude for my faith and those with whom I journey.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To praise interactions with acquaintances in church is not
to degrade the importance of close personal friendships that also may be
reinforced in church hallways.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
a growing appreciation for the role of acquaintances in our health has fostered
a new exploration of the contexts in daily life that support our
well-being.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In this case, <b>the
advantages of attending church are front and center in their fit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A generation ago, psychology made an important shift from
research that explored recovery from emotional difficulties to also exploring
benefits from enhancing the positive events in daily life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The research from this positive
psychology has increased our awareness of the roots of <b>resilience</b><span style="font-weight: normal;"> – an especially important perspective for older
adults!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But until recently,
the source of positive emotions that enhanced well-being and resilience was
seen as lying primarily with close relationships with family and good friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But recently, psychology has also begun
to explore the importance of increasing the number of one’s acquaintances and
the frequency of interactions with them, as influential means of enhancing our
well-being and resilience.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In a nutshell, here are some emerging components from
acquaintance research:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Both the number of acquaintances we know and the frequency
of our pleasant interaction (even minimally) with them will affect our
immediate <i>happiness</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> and sense of
well-being and “belongingness” (in an organization, like a church).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These are all powerful cognitive and
emotional signals to us that life is good;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and such feelings clearly affect our physical and emotional
health and our sense of resilience.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What fertile understandings these are for knowing how our
churches serve as important sources of spiritual, physical and emotional health
in the lives of our parishioners.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Bruce<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Bruce B. Robertshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11223873570329813411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-946263926988247177.post-55092599736667063152014-07-11T12:46:00.000-05:002014-07-11T12:46:58.681-05:00
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><i>MemoryKeepers</i></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><i>Attentional-Pie </i> </span></h2>
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
</h2>
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">and Our<i> Disappearing Church</i></span></h2>
<h2 style="tab-stops: 238.5pt;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11px; font-weight: normal;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal;">The organizations with which we align
ourselves affect our thoughts about ourselves and others, our emotions, and our
actions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This can be true for the
sports team we support, the business we work for, and the church we
attend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our allegiances
affect our identity, and our identity affects what we think, feel and do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We grow to have cyclical
relationships among our identity, the other people in our lives and our
“organizations” (groups).</span></h2>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Most of us can recognize
the truth of such a cyclical relationship, at least for the formative events
that added to our sense of who we are as a person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What seems to be harder to understand is the important
role that our <b><u>accessible memory</u></b></span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> of “formative events” plays in our current identity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is not an accident that weekly
sermons at church cover, more or less, the same ground covered last year at
this time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The continuing reminder
of the <i>Word of God</i></span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> is a key part
of the awareness and strength our own religious beliefs.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What we pay attention to is like a pie – an <i>attentional-pie</i><span style="font-style: normal;">.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
more we focus on some aspects of our life, the less attention we have remaining
to focus on other elements of our life experiences -- that could have “come to
mind”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thus, as we consider our
personal characteristics that affirm to us who we are (our identity) what comes
to mind is necessarily a limited number of the possibilities of current events
and events from our history.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thus, our mind’s <i>attentional-pie</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> determines in many ways, what will </span><i>come to
mind</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> as we think about who we are as a
person. The role of memory for the stability of knowing our own identity came
to me in an unusual way recently.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It began with a conversation with a friend who has Alzheimer’s
Disease;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m going to call him
Roger.</span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Roger was able to express
to me that as he has a conversation, he feels a sense of enjoyment and
appreciation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He said those
conversations bring him “happiness” of some sort.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For instance, I have recently had excellent conversations
with Roger about his youth in Alaska and about the reasons he has chosen to
open himself for challenging opportunities and new directions throughout his
life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He does seem to realize that
in ten minutes he will have completely forgotten our conversation about his
experiences.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">For most of us, a recall of
our experiences is what keeps us on a reasonably steady life journey.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>An ability to remember our experiences
can be what gives us an identity (a sense of who we are) because we can “see”,
in retrospect, our consistencies of thought, action and feelings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is an invisible, but extremely
important psychological process.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Roger explained that he is
OK with only momentary sources of “happiness”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In some way he seems to recognize that something is
missing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can certainly
understand how hard it is for any of us to “see” something that isn’t there –
although beliefs of all sort play a real-life role here.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Then, as Roger and his
wife, and my wife and I were having dinner, Roger’s wife shared a brief
story.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She and Roger were walking
through their nearby river-side park recently.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They passed near the park gardener.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Roger noticed the well trimmed hedges
and said to the gardener, “Thank you for trimming the hedges.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They look nice.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His wife said that the gardener stopped
what he was doing, looked at us in amazement and said in return, “Nobody ever
stops to tell me things like that about my work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thank you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
makes a big difference.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">The look on Roger’s face as
his wife was telling this story (his story) was one of smiling intensity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Clearly he appreciated this powerful
story being told about himself – something his failing memory <u>would never
have enabled him to do</u>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It seems that listening to somebody else telling about the good things
in life that he did (and was doing) was the way that he now had to learn about
his own identity – in this case, that of a being a good person who made other
people feel good.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Being a good person is
truly consistent with his identity as I knew it over the years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But he truly had no way to remember and
understand that, without hearing a story about himself told by somebody
else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Roger’s wife was, for him,
his <i>MemoryKeeper</i></span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">The same dynamics are true,
it seems to me, for the identity and values we have incorporated over the years
that have come from the organizations and the people in those organizations
with which we have been aligned -- such as our church.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The problem does not usually come from our
lack of ability to remember things, like it is for Roger.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our lack of remembering what our
organization stood for last year or twenty years ago that affected our sense of
who we were, is more likely because our current <i>attentional-pie</i></span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> now only <i>brings to mind</i></span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"> recent events or only a few of the meaningful events
from past years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The breadth of
events and values that were embodied in our church that truly influenced us in
the past, are simply not likely to be recalled and thus considered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is a serious handicap because it
can narrow our perception of our contemporary identity – who we are today.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Furthermore, who we think
we are today, can be projected back on our perception of what our church has become
as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For example, to the
extent that we older adults think of ourselves as less capable and resilient,
we may see our church as less capable and resilient as well and vice-versa.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(To the extent that we really care
about our church, our understanding of our identity and the identity we
perceive our church to have can be quite reciprocal.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Importantly, these issues
must be considered in any conversations about how to address our “disappearing
church”.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We are, in reality, all <i>MemoryKeeper</i><span style="font-style: normal;">s of our own church.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The fact that we differ in what we recall about the meaning
our church to us over the years <u>is perhaps the most significant resource
available to a congregation. <o:p></o:p></u></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As members of a church congregation share their diverse
stories (from yesterday and last year and 20 years ago) the reality of a
complex, living (and changing) church becomes clearer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When we combine our memories,
hidden strengths and sources of resilience will emerge that never would have
been recalled and considered with a more traditional, hierarchical
approach.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These newly recalled
resources can enable a church to consider a host of creative ways to find
resilience in the face of change.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Note:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As the
writer of this blog, I find myself becoming very emotional as I write the words
of the last three paragraphs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
reality of what I write is so clear, and yet the approach is hardly ever discussed,
let alone tried (as far as I know), that I weep as “<b><i>disappearing</i></b><span style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal;">” increasingly becomes an identity
of far too many of our churches – and an identity of far too many congregation
members as well!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Bruce</span><!--EndFragment-->
Bruce B. Robertshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11223873570329813411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-946263926988247177.post-88545744555515643202014-06-30T13:27:00.000-05:002014-06-30T13:27:51.005-05:00
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<br />
<h1 align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 24.0pt;">Church
as Source of Well-Being</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small; font-weight: normal;"> </span></h1>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
Churches can be places where people come together and form
relationships that are a primary source of their health and well-being.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People show up at their church for lots
of reasons.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A primary motive would
seem to be to hear and affirm the word of God and to share in that effort with
others who (they suppose) are also believers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
But there is apparently only modest understanding of the
potential personal/social benefits of people’s time spent in church and
engaging in church activities and programs that bring them together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>
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<!--StartFragment--><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">In fact churches’ person-to-person social relationship
features are</span> often dismissed as irrelevant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nothing could be further from the
truth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
People can establish a personal relationship with God that
enables them to feel positive outcomes (importantly, I think that the more that
a person feels they are contributing to God’s purpose in that relationship, the
more powerful a force for good it can become).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, we know enough about human behavior to know that
one’s relationship with God does not represent unusual human behavior. In fact
social relationships of all kinds, including those with God, are the essence of
being human.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In one of the most
detailed and extensive studies of human well-being in natural settings over
time, Professor George Vaillant concluded, “The only thing that really matters
in life are your relationships….”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
Somehow the leaders of the church have to come to grips
with this powerful force for good that can emerge in places of worship.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If we don’t notice and understand the
broad “what and how” potential of our churches to affect positively the
well-being of parishioners, then we are unlikely to seek ways to enhance it. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
Our huge mega-churches can offer examples of how to go
about offering diverse opportunities for parishioner engagement in
church-facilitated activities and programs (-- as well as how to introduce attractive
motivations for people to show up at church during the weekly service).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
The trouble with learning from what have been the
mega-church successes in recent years is that it is all to easy to assume that
the reason for their success are either (1) their size, or (2) the charismatic
nature of the senior pastor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Yes, many people seem more eager to come to a church that they perceive
is where “everybody” else wants to attend, and yes, people like to hear
uplifting sermons that give them a sense of receiving an emotional gift.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
But so often it is the mega-church’s flexible places and
times of service that fit the lives of parishioners, the small group formats
that can serve as potential sources of enjoyable social communion, the varied
activities that address the interests of diverse members of that congregation, and the creation of gatherings among those with special-needs and
unique-interests -- that keep people coming back and serve as opportunities for
enhancing health and well-being of all who come. <o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoBodyText">
It is the creation of settings that empower people to find
enjoyment, relief, challenge and a sense of belonging that supported my own
purpose in beginning this <i>Aging and the Church</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> blog two years ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>During this time, I have begun to see more clearly that the issue is one
of an adaptation of the visions of church leaders at all levels -- from bishops
to church councils -- to notice and understand the potential of broadened perspectives on the powerful forces for good that lie within a more open understanding of God’s
purposes for His churches. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Bruce</span><!--EndFragment-->
Bruce B. Robertshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11223873570329813411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-946263926988247177.post-59185698712783227572014-06-26T12:15:00.001-05:002014-06-26T12:18:11.565-05:00<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<h1 style="text-align: center;">
Believing is Seeing</h1>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #222222;">Our beliefs are a way we
“see”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What we believe and then
see become our reality.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our
experts in this <i>believing and</i></span><span style="color: #222222;"> <i>seeing
business</i></span><span style="color: #222222;"> are those who know it because
they have experienced it. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #222222;">For we novice believers,
advice from experts can be confusing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For example, those who are to us, experts, may talk
about the reality of God and His presence in their life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yet we may look behind the same bushes,
or read the same lectionaries, or hear the same words, yet we may not see
anything out of the ordinary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #222222;">I’d like to address this issue
from the perspectives of perception, cognition and emotions, although research
in neuroscience generally supports and enhances the psychological approaches.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #222222;">When we truly believe
something (when we expect it to be true), not only are we likely to see in our
mind what we may not have quite seen with our eyes, but our body will respond
in ways that suggest that indeed we did experience it in “real life”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #222222;">The easiest way to understand
a common experience for most of us might be to recall a time, perhaps during a
dark and stormy night in a location that was unfamiliar to us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If we hear an unexplainable, ominous noise
not too far from our position, we may believe/expect that <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><i>it is from a
threatening person or animal, <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #222222;">thus our body may shiver with
fear or anxiety.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Clearly our mind,
our emotions, and our body are all responding to our momentary expectations,
believing that a dangerous situation lies just beyond our position (which,
hopefully in this example, turned out not to be true).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #222222;">If we are walking in a
seemingly dried up grass field on a hot day in June, we may not see “beauty”,
but if we believe (expect) that <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><i>there is truly beauty
hidden in the grass if we just look for it, <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #222222;">we may <b><i>take action and
look for it</i></b></span><span style="color: #222222;"> – and perhaps find a
small deeply-lobed plant with pink flowers that look like snowflakes growing in
the shade of a nearby plant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A
gift of nature that unless we <i>expected to see it</i></span><span style="color: #222222;">, we might not even have bothered to look for it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #222222;">If we believe (expect) that </span>if
we express gratitude to a clerk at the local grocery store for his thoughtful
kindness toward us,</div>
<div class="MsoBodyTextIndent2">
<i> he will feel good about himself, and therefore we
will feel better about ourselves for </i><br />
<i> having </i><i>“caused” the clerk’s increase in
well-being,</i></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText">
then we are more likely to take action and express
gratitude to the clerk, and to increase our own sense of well-being in the
process.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #222222;">If we believe (expect) that as
we pray to God for healing from our disturbing illness, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><i>that we will feel
better <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #222222;">it is more likely that indeed
we <u>will</u> feel better (God will have answered our prayers). To believe in
God is a perspective that transforms the ways available to give us healing and
energy -- it connects us to our own future.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Furthermore, to celebrate in church with others that our
belief in God can bring positive outcomes, is a way that helps us all to
overcome life’s difficulties.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
Incidentally, from psychological research we know that the
power of our beliefs (our expectations) to right the wrongs in our life, for
instance, is <u>increased</u> if we are feeling down, or confused, or upset, or
fearful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What a wonderful gift; at
the very time that we need help the most, our belief that God will answer our
prayers may benefit us the most. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Bruce</span><!--EndFragment-->
Bruce B. Robertshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11223873570329813411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-946263926988247177.post-13310072687077237792014-06-13T16:11:00.000-05:002014-06-13T16:11:22.549-05:00
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<br />
<div class="MsoTitle" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">In Praise of Tinkering</span></b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tinker is a good word.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>As a kid I used to tinker a lot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’d tinker with my <i>Lincoln Logs</i> and my <i>Erector Set</i>;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d build something or other and if it
didn’t turn out right I’d change the design or start over, no biggie.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The purpose of tinkering was not to be
“The best there ever was.”, as baseball player Roy Hobbs wanted to be known in <i>The
Natural</i><span style="font-style: normal;">.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When we kids would find a vacant field to play a little ball
during those nice summer days, we really were tinkering;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>muffing a fairly easy fly ball,
striking out, throwing wide of third base and allowing a run to score, no
biggie.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sure, there were times not
to tinker, like on a math test, or in a chemistry lab.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But everybody seemed to know the
difference <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Even when the situation called for doing something important
for others, there were times when tinkering was the best approach.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At boy scout camp in the Sierras, for
instance, tinkering was often the way things worked – the way we learned
stuff.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If the beans cooked by a
couple of the boys didn’t turn out so well, we ate more of the potatoes and
peas that meal, and those kids did it differently next week when they were the
cooks again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If the raft that my
Rattlesnake Patrol put together didn’t hold up as well as the raft made by the
guys in the Cobra Patrol, then we tried to find out what they did, so we could
do it differently next time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If we
were on a hike and the pack became too heavy for one kid, then other kids took
turns helping carry his pack, no biggie.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yes at scout camp we had <i>The Boy Scout Manual</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> that guided us in a general sort of way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But we scouts differed from each other
in age, interests, character, family stability and responsibilities, so there
was never one right answer to anything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We <u>had</u> to notice and be open to our new experiences as well as
that of others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We had to be
comfortable in being wrong some of the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In a learning culture like scout camp, tinkering was everyplace;
the important thing was to share what worked and what didn’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Working with each other and trying to
think creatively seemed to be the way things came out OK over time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now that I am grown up and then some, I no longer see
tinkering held in such high regard; certainly not in athletic play.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even computer and
SmartPhone games are really tests to see how quickly we players can get to the
“right place” that some 20-something programmer living in San Francisco decided
was the “right place” for everybody.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most of our digital games have become teachers of
“absolutes” – more like a math class than a scout camp.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What does all of this have to do with older adults and the
church?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I suggest a whole
lot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To the extent that we
think that the right answer for church is, say 300 (If we had 300 members we
would be doing just great.), or 84 (If I still show up at church when I am 84 I
will have had a wonderful life.), or 200 for 20,000 (If every member gave an
extra $200, then we could reach our goal of $20,000 for a new bell tower.),
then our churches too have become more like math classes than my scout camp.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But aren’t our churches really to help us learn from each
other how to find faith, love and to treat our neighbors as ourselves?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes, we can learn the general
principles from <i>The Bible</i><span style="font-style: normal;">, but in
practice, our diversity of age, interests, character, income, and
responsibilities suggests that it takes working with others and creativity to
make it all work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We older adult
church members need to notice and be open to our new experiences and be comfortable
in being wrong some of the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We need to encourage multiple creative
approaches and the sharing of what we find works – or doesn’t work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Listening with respect to each other
and trying to think creatively about the issues before us will be the way
things come out OK over time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This, it seems to me, argues for a <i>culture of tinkering</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> in our churches.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Bruce</span><!--EndFragment-->
Bruce B. Robertshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11223873570329813411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-946263926988247177.post-70948954401925659272014-06-05T14:11:00.000-05:002014-06-05T14:11:05.083-05:00
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<br />
<div class="MsoTitle">
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"> A Mystery of Life and our Belief in God</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m a city person, and have been for most of my life, but in
my youth I worked several years as a summer cowboy on a very large cattle ranch
in Wyoming.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Two years ago my
family and I revisited Wyoming.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
especially remember walking around the corrals during a <i>Wyoming Ranch Rodeo</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> in which a few of my relatives were riding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I walked through the sagebrush, I found myself expecting
my heels to hit the ground before they actually did – it was as if my body
thought I was wearing my cowboy boots rather than my loafers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I found myself reaching my hand up to
grab the crown of my hat, in the way one does when wearing a cowboy hat, not
the baseball cap I was wearing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
found myself being alert to different sounds as I walked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not sure what I was listening for,
a rattlesnake perhaps, or a changing wind – I don’t know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was just aware of feeling very
different.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My mind <u>and body</u> were transported back in time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This reemergence of those particular
habits-of-my-body and feelings-in-my-mind, were exceptionally surprising to
me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a mysterious experience
that co-existed with the reality of also being a person who has not been around
ranch life for decades.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I tell this story because I was able to identify some specific
behaviors and broad feelings that accompanied this revisit to a place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The next story, a recent revisit to a
former church, was also a mysterious experience of feeling simultaneous
differences and similarities in my travel backward in time.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The church, St. James Lutheran, is a prominent urban church
in downtown Portland, Oregon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
is where my wife, Jan, and I spent many partial years as we took a sabbatical
in Portland, spent some time during summers there, and for a few years after I
retired spent about 6 months a year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It was a congregation in which the homeless, gay/lesbians and visitors
of all stripes were always welcome, and in visible weekly attendance</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A week ago, when my wife and I walked through the massive
front door of historic St. James for the first time in almost 10 years, both my
wife and I felt overwhelmed with emotion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Jan felt at home, and had a powerful sense of comfort and
happiness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In contrast I
felt nostalgic and somewhat gloomy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In my head I could see the pews were good friends used to sit – now
empty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The toll of death and
illness among friends has a tragic reach across time as one reenters formerly
common space.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Recalling the impact of my recent revisit to the ranch
territory of my youth, I wondered what other ways this reentry into this church
was having on me?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The high
church traditions were still in place – even more so.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The flow of the people, some still remembered, was
familiar.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The liturgy too was
familiar – identical with my home church Lutheran congregation in Northfield,
actually.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yet here I was,
mysteriously affected by <u>what was</u> in relation to <u>what is</u>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Perhaps to be mysteriously transported back in time, on
occasion, so that our mind and our body are in two places at the same time, is
a special gift allowing us a personal, small glimpse at how the magnificent
mystery of a belief in God works in us all.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Bruce</span><!--EndFragment-->
Bruce B. Robertshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11223873570329813411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-946263926988247177.post-24414155532761642952014-05-28T09:40:00.000-05:002014-05-28T09:40:11.341-05:00
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<br />
<div class="MsoTitle" style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Church Congregations and
Professional Silos </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 20pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
-- <span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">Nothing ultimately
worthwhile will happen unless we start with understanding </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">the reality of each
other’s life. --</span> <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the room were eight professional <b>mental-health</b><span style="font-weight: normal;"> care workers laying out the extraordinarily
disturbing situation in our country of huge gaps in needed mental-health care
professionals.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then there was
me;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I introduced myself as a
member of a local Lutheran church that recently had a Sunday adult forum on
mental illness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mentioned that
it was one of the best attended forums in quite a time;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the point being that there is
considerable interest in our churches for information (and presumably, action)
about this unfortunately all-to-private family health issue. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The conversation among the eight went on for an hour and a
half with thoughtful comments about the need to encourage more talented
students to go into mental health specialties, the need for more funding for
mental health services and the critical mental health needs for any kind of mental
health assistance in rural areas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>After my first introduction of why I was there, I did not speak
again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>During the next hour and a
half, there was no mention of churches as a stage for addressing mental health
needs, no mention of <i>prevention</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> (what I
now call </span><i>resilience</i><span style="font-style: normal;">) programs to
address at least some mental-health issues before they become a crises, and
certainly no mention of “lay” church members as originators of creative ways to
help address the mental health needs of their friends and neighbors.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m afraid that what I observed that day around that table
is what happens all too often – a kind of a professional “silo” approach for
addressing problems that surround those of us who sit in the pews week after
week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The professionals who were
at that table with me were thoughtful, competent, kind, and realistic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They brought with them the skills
they knew.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I mention this true experience in light of my focus on <i>aging
and the church</i><span style="font-style: normal;">, because it is what often
seems to happen as we address issues that obstruct a community – like a church,
by <u>first</u> calling on professionals.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Clinical professionals are generally educated to help individuals.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So when a community, made up of
diverse, unique individuals who struggle with their lives, there are few road
maps for how to pull together diverse professional “silos” in equal, shared
leadership with those of us who are in the midst of our difficulties.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To the extent that we congregation
members put our hopes on a professional in our midst to solve our community-wide
problem, I fear we will continue to be disappointed in the outcome.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText" style="margin-left: .5in;">
[The exception, of course, is
when our churches face financial challenges.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are legions of organizations eager for our business as
they put <u>powerful</u> social psychological science into action in order to
glean yet larger contributions from us all.]<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If our mainline churches are disappearing, if our older
adults are invisible except when they have cancer, if our church culture
suggests that we keep secret our family mental health problems, who do we call
first to fix things; an expert with the biggest hammer perhaps?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Frankly, it is up to us and our family members, friends,
neighbors and acquaintances who sit with us in the pews, to begin by gathering
together experts from <u>several</u> disciplines, to talk openly, face-to-face
with us about what is on our mind, and to emphasize <b>one thing</b><span style="font-weight: normal;"> at first – </span><b><i><u>listening with
acceptance and respect</u></i></b><span style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal;"> to what each of us has to say.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Follow-up conversations can deal with the action steps – but
nothing ultimately worthwhile will happen unless we start with understanding
the reality of each other’s life.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Bruce<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">PS<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know that I have left out of this
discussion the role of Pastors in addressing congregation-wide problems like
diminishing membership, agonizing mental health issues, and the changing nature
of older adult’s health.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Pastors, it seems to me, can have a huge impact for good, but so often
they must spend their waking hours addressing other, immediate congregational
and religious issues.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s
why I make a plea for congregation members to grab the reins of empowering
leadership -- in concert with the purposes of your church and in a
complimentary journey with your pastor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Together we can make it happen.</span><!--EndFragment-->
Bruce B. Robertshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11223873570329813411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-946263926988247177.post-66435941860225080952014-05-20T09:00:00.000-05:002014-05-20T09:00:05.372-05:00
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<br />
<div class="MsoTitle">
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"> God and Science:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>A Complimentary Team</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My wife has been convening a cancer mutual help group for
women at our church.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even though
there is a fine cancer support group at our local hospital, my wife felt that
conversations about important issues would be strengthened when held where we
worship.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She said she felt more
comfortable, more at home, and more inclusive of God when the discussions were
at our church.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Scientific research certainly agrees with my wife.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Place matters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A sense of place can have a powerful
impact on people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i>Positive
emotions</i><span style="font-style: normal;">, such as comfort, calmness,
closeness or even feelings of control, can be enhanced when entering meaningful
(to us) places such as our own living room or the pews toward the back on the
left side of our church (where we always sit), for example.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And when we are <i>feeling positive</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> </span><i>emotions</i><span style="font-style: normal;">
in our <u>daily life</u>, we are healthier, have a better sense of well-being,
we are more open to what is actually going on around us, more thoughtful and
creative in our decisions, and more appreciative of alternative
perspectives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the long run, the
more (to a limit) positive emotions in our daily life the better our health and
well-being. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But recently a friend, a very capable women with a strong
faith, said that what is important to her are the<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>words of the Bible<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>-- that’s all she needs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Being at church for discussions about her cancer, for instance, is not
important.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She could as well be in
one place as in another – they are all the same.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Because of my respect for this woman, her rejection of what
is an important part of my own experience is a significant challenge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unhelpfully, one of my first impulses
was to be dismissive of my friend’s comments -- to think that she just doesn’t
understand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My second was to think
that well, OK so we disagree, no big deal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But my third thought was to say to myself that this <u>is</u>
a big deal;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can learn something
important. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My friend’s beliefs in her understandings of the words of
the Bible are certainly true for her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>To the extent that she can live her life faithfully in accord with her
beliefs, I suspect that goodness and mercy will continue to fill her days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But what of the Christians who find themselves influenced,
for instance, by the power of a place, such as the feelings that come from
being at home in one’s church.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Will their choices be encouraged by those who believe that place (or science)
does not matter because decisions should be guided only by one’s chosen words
from the Bible?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What seems to be going on is that our perspectives, whether
from our beliefs that grow from the words of the Bible, or our beliefs that
emerge from the halls of science or from our life experiences, <u>serve as
compasses for us</u>, and guide our pathways and consequently our loyalties. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am reminded of the change going on in medicine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In our Western culture, traditional
medicine has been dominant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
practice of what has been called alternative medicine, such as faith/belief
healing or meditation has been perceived in the past as a false-belief for the
well-being of patients.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
research programs are now identifying some positive benefits from prayer, beliefs,
mutual help groups, and friends, for instance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Traditional medicine and belief approaches are becoming <b><i>complimentary</i></b><span style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal;">, not antagonistic.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Is it possible, for religion to adopt such <i>complimentary</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> perspectives -- that God’s word and the science of
human belief, thoughts, emotions and behavior can be complimentary –
strengthening each other?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
With such a <i>complimentary</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> world of faith, approaches that enhance the well-being of parishioners
could begin with the wisdom of science as well as from the traditions of our
Biblical faith.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These potentially </span><i>complimentary</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> approaches can travel the same pathways toward
strengthening both a belief in God and the well-being of people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God and science: A complimentary
team. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-style: normal;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Bruce</span><!--EndFragment-->
Bruce B. Robertshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11223873570329813411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-946263926988247177.post-81980656967302358492014-05-09T09:44:00.000-05:002014-05-09T09:44:34.890-05:00
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<br />
<div align="left" class="MsoTitle" style="text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">I write a monthly reflection for my church’s
newsletter. In those articles, I
am necessarily a good deal more personal/contextual than in my usual focus for
this <i>Aging and the Church</i></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"> blog.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wrote
a variation of this piece for a forthcoming issue of the <i>Bethel Banner</i></span></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">. Bruce</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoTitle" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoTitle" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 22.0pt;">The Music of Possibilities<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The other day after church Noel Stratmoen and I were talking
in Bethel’s narthex.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
conversation started with a sharing of our common appreciation for Bethel’s
music. <span style="font-size: 8.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span>But our conversation went further.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We reflected how music can be an important part of what
makes any of us feel good about ourselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To contribute in positive ways to the lives of others is our
personal way of “<u>doing good</u>”, as well as “feeling good”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For instance, as we sing hymns together
in church, many people (most people?) surely feel that their voice is adding
nicely to the whole.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those folks
are contributing their voice as a gift to the congregation and to God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In contrast, especially after my several throat surgeries
several years ago, I suggested to Noel that my voice is different now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am not one that contributes in a
positive way to the congregation’s gift of voices.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As a matter of fact, I find much more personal satisfaction by
singing inwardly and letting the congregation and my mind carry the tunes -- not my damaged vocal cords. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The music of others, (and, in a way, the music in my mind)
makes me happy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is one reason
that I enjoy Bethel’s services.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But it is not, for me, a way in which I feel I contribute to my church.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My life is lesser because of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But that’s reality, and I’m OK
with it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Noel, a thoughtful guy, said he had not thought about
that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His response was typical for
us all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Something that some of us
take for granted, like “all people enjoy singing”, can be an assumption that
misses reality for some people.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As an older adult, I think a lot about the dilemma of making
meaningful “contributions” at church as we age.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The issue plays out over time in other realms too, not just
music;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>from showing up for yard
work or for helping out at the yearly church garage sale, for instance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As we older adults wisely make a choice to cut back on what
we volunteer to do in ways that match our energy, we may not realize that we
are also then curtailing the life-giving positive feelings that we receive when
we contribute to the joy and well-being of others.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Older adult Bethel member, Bob Phelps was the first to
enable me to see this dynamic in action.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Two of Bob’s gifts to our congregation were his wonderful interviewing
and writing skills.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When he chose
to “retire” from those contributions to our congregation, he said he knew that
his life was going to be lesser in a way, but that’s reality, and he was OK
with it. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So we older people make choices that affect our
well-being.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For some of us anyway,
we may not see a personally significant engagement alternative at church;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>one that matches our current, changing
circumstances.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And because of
that, our life becomes a bit less meaningful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But as a sign of hope, I recall a comment from Pastor Tim a
year or so ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He said that as he
watches people age he sees so many become engaged in activities and programs
that they had not even considered earlier in their lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So what is it that we older adults can create for ourselves
and others at Bethel that -- to borrow a title from author, Irving Stone’s
classic book, “<i>Men to Match My Mountains</i><span style="font-style: normal;">”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>-- can enable us to say that Bethel is
a really great place for “</span><i>Older Adults to Match Their Possibilities</i><span style="font-style: normal;">”.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Bruce<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Bruce B. Robertshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11223873570329813411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-946263926988247177.post-61891146110301529342014-05-05T10:04:00.000-05:002014-05-05T10:04:22.888-05:00
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<br />
<div class="MsoTitle" style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">I Wish I Knew The Answer</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There was a recent article in the newspaper that talked
about the issue of whether it was better to show love, respect, regard, etc. <i>conditionally</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> or </span><i>unconditionally</i><span style="font-style: normal;">.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That is, for instance, should we show affection to our children
only when they are well behaved, properly self-controlled and, say,
accomplished in competitive sports (the conditional approach)?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or should we always give our affection
and regard to our children, even if we don’t like what they are doing or saying
or are disappointed in their lack of performance (the unconditional approach)?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The article (in the NYT, May 3, 2014, by Alfie Kohn, author
of, “<a href="http://www.alfiekohn.org/books/msc.htm"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">The Myth of the Spoiled Child</span></a>:
Challenging the Conventional Wisdom About Children and Parenting”) argues if
you want to raise a child with <u>positive psychological health</u>, the
research comes down on the side of <u>un</u>conditional love – accepting,
loving and showing regard for the child even if he or she is not measuring up
to actions/principles the parents feel are important. (The unconditional care
approach does not, of course, preclude encouragement and the critique of
particular behaviors that are unacceptable or inadequate.)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I read Kohn’s article just after my wife and I returned from
church last Sunday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So perhaps
that explains my thinking about my Christian faith in relationship to this
article.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am very aware
that there are differences in personal opinions over whether or not we should
reach out with expressed esteem only to those who do well in what we want them
to do vs. expressing care and respect for all, even if we are disappointed in
some way or “turned off” by them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Typically, it seems to me, the media is in the <i>conditional</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> camp of expressing praise.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Only “the best” seem respected.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yet this is one of those places where my personal belief in
the importance of <i>Grace</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> seems so
clear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Grace, in the form of
complete and total acceptance of us by God is so Lutheran.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Along with our admonition to love
others, and to treat others as we would be treated, </span><i>Grace</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> is central to what is most valuable in our beliefs
about God’s hope for us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This understanding makes me happy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not that I always followed the pathways of <i>Grace</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> in my relationships with my own kids, but I knew
that it was the best way, and I tried.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Thank goodness God’s </span><i>Grace</i><span style="font-style: normal;">
covers me too. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Research on the impact of people’s <i>conditional respect</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> for adults (that is, if we only express regard and
care to others if their values and the way they think, talk, and act is the
same as ours) is not as extensive as it is for children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yet the same Christian roof is over the
heads of us all, not just parents and their children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So what is the justification for Christians publicly
to disrespect a person, not just their actions, when we disagree?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I sometimes wonder if we <u>older adults</u> are more likely
to find ourselves with a strong commitment to a narrow <i>conditional</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> </span><i>respect</i><span style="font-style: normal;">
for others?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know the
answer, but it may be critical if we are to understand whether or not “our”
church is seen as a welcoming, caring and respectful place to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the answer there may be clues for
whether or not we are a growing or a disappearing church. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I wish I knew the answer.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Bruce<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Bruce B. Robertshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11223873570329813411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-946263926988247177.post-86038828715915385542014-05-01T09:27:00.001-05:002014-05-01T09:27:14.044-05:00Below is a piece I wrote for <i>The Living Lutheran</i> at their request to pick up on May as <i>Older Americans Month</i>. Bruce<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
----------------</div>
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</div>
<div class="MsoBodyText2" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 20.0pt;">“I Slipped On The Ice!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 8.0pt;">A <i>Living Lutheran</i></span><span style="font-size: 8.0pt;"> Post;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>May 1, 2014<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Four months ago my wife answered the phone and the troubled
voice of a close friend said with a combination of sharp pain and consequent
sadness, “I can’t make it to the dinner tonight, I fell yesterday and shattered
my elbow.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Oh no.” said my wife, “How terrible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What happened?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am so sorry.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Well,” our friend answered, “I slipped on the ice as I was
getting out of the car in Zumbrota and fell on my left arm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Where my elbow was supposed to be I could
only feel a depression.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We went to
the doctor right away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had
emergency surgery last night and now have a plaster cast from my shoulder to my
hand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And it hurts!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well, not only did it take over three months for our
friend’s severe break to heal, but major plans in her life were cancelled.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The fall significantly affected her
life, her husband’s life, and to a lesser extent, the lives of friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“But it could be worse,” as we say in Minnesota.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Our friend recovered pretty well in those three months, but
recovery from falls by other friends over this past year have sometimes taken
over a year, and during the last few years, friends have fallen and not
recovered -- generally because the fall aggravated other health conditions.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yes, we have friends and acquaintances who have suffered
from cancer, heart conditions, joint problems, etc. (my wife and I both had
cancer at the same time two years ago), but frankly, it is the fear of falling
that is most on my mind as I think about the vulnerability of us older adults.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
May is <b><i>Older Americans Month</i></b><span style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal;">, and our country’s </span><i>Administration
for Community Living</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> appropriately has
identified “<b>Safe Today. Healthy Tomorrow.”</b></span> as this year’s
theme.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Their website says, “By
taking control of their safety, older Americans can live longer, healthier
lives.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Raising awareness
seems to be the plan of action this year.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Fair enough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Given my experience anyway, if more awareness and concern about safety
can help prevent more of us from a falling down in the future, our lives will
surely be better and perhaps even longer.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But what’s next?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Do we pass out lists of safety tips?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We already know that we older adults are much more prone to
accidents like falling than the rest of the population.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Perhaps <i>Living Lutheran’s</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> theme for the month of May, “</span><i>God calls each of us by name to
join in the work and presence of Christ’s church in the world.” </i><span style="font-style: normal;">gives us some tips.<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If we combine the two themes, we get, <b><i><u>“God calls
each of us by name to join together with others in our church to affect the
safety and health of older adults.”</u></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I like that challenge for several reasons.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>First, God is not calling our pastor to
pass out tracts about safety.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
is not asking for a committee to mull over the problems of aging.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God is asking each and every one of us
to do something – <b>and to do it <u>together</u></b><span style="font-weight: normal;">!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Second, we are asked to <u>work
together</u> <u>in our Church</u> to make a difference.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We don’t need to stand on street
corners by ourselves, or approach our city council to name a “No-Fall” week in
honor of older adults in town.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We already sit together with our church-mates so, at least to some
extent, we already know some of what God knows – our names.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Given our task, I suggest a<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b>CCC</b><span style="font-weight: normal;"> approach:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><b>Care, Choice </b><span style="font-weight: normal;">and</span><b> Conversation</b><span style="font-weight: normal;">.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Let all the older adults in the congregation who </span><b>Care</b><span style="font-weight: normal;"> about such things (such as living a safe/healthy
life), make a personal </span><b>Choice</b><span style="font-weight: normal;">
for one particular safety habit they choose to practice with regularity, and
have </span><b>Conversations</b><span style="font-weight: normal;"> with others
about what they are choosing and why (perhaps because of past accidents, falls,
or burns).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is no need to
make any of this overly structured, but to boost the spread of conversations on
this topic it would be very helpful to publish the accident/fall/burn stories
of a few of the older adults in your church’s monthly newsletter!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As an example, here is where I come out using the <b>CCC</b><span style="font-weight: normal;"> approach:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
I <b>CARE</b><span style="font-weight: normal;"> most about avoiding the painful and prolonged
outcomes from accidents/falls based on personal experiences I have had myself
or seen through the suffering of others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
My <b>CHOICE</b><span style="font-weight: normal;"> of a safety habit is one I already use with
regularity – that of <u>always</u> grabbing the railing as I go up or down
stairs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It used to be that holding
on the railing was something I avoided;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I guess I thought that it might be a sign to others that I needed
help.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a juvenile excuse,
but I’ve finally grown up a bit, at least on that issue.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
And finally, my <b>CONVERSATIONS</b><span style="font-weight: normal;"> about falling and accidents among my friends and
acquaintances go in cycles, depending on how recently something has
happened;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a strange
lightheadedness during a cross-country “race” by one my friends, or an ordinary
stumble-on-a-rug fall by another, or my wife tripping over one of our cats at
night. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="font-size: 8.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Because we humans tend to talk about that which is on our
mind, the publication of some real-life older adult accident stories by a
church may be the easiest and most helpful way to foster both the “health” and
“God’s call” themes for the month of May -- glorious, delightful, flowery,
merry (and safe) May.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Bruce</div>
<!--EndFragment-->Bruce B. Robertshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11223873570329813411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-946263926988247177.post-89500874642157117722014-04-18T09:32:00.000-05:002014-04-18T09:36:52.813-05:00<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">Noticing the Good in a Noisy World</span></h2>
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<span style="color: #454545;">We seem to be
such a big-event oriented society.
I wanted to write about the benefits of <b><i>noticing and giving thanks
</i></b></span><span style="color: #454545;"><i>for the <u>smaller</u><b>
good things</b></i></span><span style="color: #454545;"> <b><i>in
life</i></b></span><span style="color: #454545;"> even after
experiencing a big-event -- like Easter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Easter is always such a busy time;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>such an important time for Christians.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I find that there is often so much
to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The days can seem so busy,
so “noisy”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wanted to understand
how that busyness relates to reflecting subsequently on the emotionally
positive meanings of Easter for us (and the “<i>good</i></span><span style="color: #454545;">” after other big events of life).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was thinking about our family
experiences in Norway in 1975 </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">with</span> <i>Annen
Påskedag</i>,<span style="color: #454545;">
the celebration of <i>Easter Monday</i></span><span style="color: #454545;">.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Families rest, visit other families and
friends -- and at least to some extent give <i>“Thanks to God”</i></span><span style="color: #454545;"> for the gifts of life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #454545;">So, like a good
card-carrying member of the 21<sup>st</sup> Century, into Google I typed
“noticing the good in a noisy world”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I assumed I would find suggestions online for knowing
how to notice and think about <u>all</u> the positive things in life;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>from the resurrection of Christ, to a
cardinal singing his heart out in the cherry tree outside our window or a phone
call from one of our children with fun news about their life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #454545;">Imagine my
surprise when the first four pages of Google’s online response were filled with
comments about <u>my</u> <u>getting noticed by others</u> in a noisy world, not
my noticing and appreciating others in the midst of such busyness!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It this a metaphor for our
changing world or what?!?!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #454545;">In my effort to
untangle life’s busyness and find ways to notice, appreciate and show gratitude
to others for the small stuff, I find advice for how to make myself a more
visible part of the noise of life for others!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Rather than discovering suggestions for noticing and
appreciating our God, I find advice for how I can be better known and
appreciated by our God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Hmmm.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #454545;">I suppose I
shouldn’t be so surprised.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Take
Easter for instance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even our
popular songs about Easter describe parades, bonnets and finery of the
day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since that was more or less
the way it was, I don’t recall ever asking whether it was right to bring that
kind of focus on me or my family in a sea of others doing the same thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Perhaps the books and other
admonitions for “<i>Getting Noticed</i></span><span style="color: #454545;">” (and appreciated) describe the way the world has always worked
and I might as well “get on board”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #454545;">But I know from
the volumes of research that what really brings well-being to us and those we care
about is noticing and appreciating the good things that happen in the nuances
of every-day life;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and expressing
thanks.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #454545;">Truth can be so
contradictory.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #454545; font-family: Times;">Bruce</span><!--EndFragment-->
Bruce B. Robertshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11223873570329813411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-946263926988247177.post-32038337186000845712014-04-09T12:27:00.001-05:002014-04-09T12:27:24.811-05:00
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><b>Social Graces,
Gratitude, <i>Thanks be to God</i></b></span><span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><b>,
and Resilience.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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The other day I was engaged in a great conversation with a
couple of Lutheran Pastors.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We
were talking about the power of <i>gratitude</i><span style="font-style: normal;">
expressed and received for enhancing the lives of people in a congregation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of the pastors said that she had
read that our country is loosing an understanding of the importance of social
graces.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She went on to
wonder if not only may expressing </span><i>gratitude</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> be one of those disappearing social graces, but the
loss may be <u>much</u> more severe than we realize.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><!--[endif]-->Might
we <u>need</u> gratitude expressed and received in our lives in a way that we
don’t really understand in a conscious manner?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .75in; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><!--[endif]-->Is
there something deeper, something really important emotionally and spiritually
in us (humans) that is related to our sense of gratitude?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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This natural segue into the core of religion may be more
powerful than most of us understand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who out there has some reflections on the
psychological/spiritual relationship between truly meaning our common
expression “Thanks be to God” and our own sense of resilience in the world as
we age?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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We know that the psychological benefits for us of
expressing gratitude to a friend are dependent in part on the willingness of
our friend to show appreciation for our expressions of “thanks”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How does this important <u>reciprocal
dynamic</u> play out as we “Thank God for ‘the meaningful’ in our life”?<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Bruce</span></span><!--EndFragment-->
Bruce B. Robertshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11223873570329813411noreply@blogger.com0